10 Things Your Metaphysical Provider Wants To Tell You

Young woman packing boxes to be shipped

This is how not stressed we look filling your order at 2 am while you threaten the wrath of Belial upon us.

The Witching Hour is 11:15

Currently Listening To: Get It – Matt & Kim


Being a Meta provider is not easy for anyone in the business. In fact, as I have noticed, it is one of the most slander-filled and aggressive industries out there. We have seen it take a toll on the health of many an angel in human clothing, and there are a few things we felt we should share. So here are some things you should probably know.

  1. We are not a corporation. We know that in a world of money-back guarantees and 30 day refunds, your whims can take over. What you want today may not be what you want tomorrow, and you enjoy the freedom of cancelling your orders whenever. Though many sellers are happy to do this for you, it is difficult. Most Meta Providers are little businesses comprised of 1-3 people who base at least 1/2, if not more of their income upon this. Though that 30 dollar refund is a No-Duh for you, for many that was an internet bill or groceries. If you don’t think you’ll want it, please give yourself time to decide — sometimes things are in full swing, and 30$ doesn’t matter, but in this economy, money gets tight at times.
  2. We really aren’t interested in slander. If sellers had a dime for every time someone said “Jim Spiritsummoner really ripped me the f*** off. He’s a fraud, you know he’s a fraud right? Look around me and see if you see a bake kitsune. He said it’s there, but my pagan friend from college said they looked and they only saw the ghost of my grandmother and civil war general Robert E Lee.” Okay so my example was a little exaggerated…We sellers hate being put on the spot to be accusative toward another seller. Most of us rather like each other and would like it to stay that way. This is one way to get you a bad reputation as a customer.
  3. We are not ignoring you. Every Meta-Seller has at least 2 email accounts, a facebook account, a business page, and a website inbox full of 20409024 messages at any given time. Most of the time we have read your message already, and are taking time to provide you with the right answer. As much as we would like to change this fact, we are actually not Kate Upton, living on a cloud, eating scones and waiting patiently for emails to come in. We are college students, or parents, or spouses, or housekeepers, or 3-jobs-a-day making ends meet kind of people. We are busy, we are stressed, and we obviously want you to have the best experience humanly possible.
  4. We do not have a personal apartment above the post office. Though maybe they would knock some fees off if we were helping pay for the overhead…that may be nice. Sometimes there’s hurricanes, snow storms, gridlock, or general human stuff like Doctor’s appointments that make your packages a day or two late. We do not hate you and want you to suffer in turmoil for the extra 48 hours for our own sick satisfaction… We do in fact make mistakes like heading out 30 minutes before 5 o’clock traffic and watching a hostess truck overturn. Sno-Balls never looked so tragic.
  5. We will not f*** off and die already. The amount of rudeness we are made victim to in a day would likely make Rosie O’Donnell cringe. This is real stuff. Most of us put our entire hearts and souls into what we do, but not everybody can be sated. There are people who have made Paypal Claims over readings purchased 4 hours ago. We may have super patience, but we do not have super powers!
  6. In Response to “Just Give Up” Many sellers are not doing this because it is easy money, contrary to popular belief. The time it takes to buy/make/obtain jewelry, enchant it, spirit it, find spirits, ship them, avoid lines at the post office, get all 18 lines of your international address right, and attempt to live a normal human life leaves a solid -14 hours a day for free time and recreation. It would be much easier for us to just go work at a corporation or panhandle, honestly, but we feel a greater calling that will attempt to give us health problems and bad coping skills far into our 80’s. We are not here to ruin your life. We are trying to improve it, honest. We see how you feel now, and when you get excited over our listings next event, we will still be here. Your opinion will not cause an entire business to crumble. Also, believe it or not, YELP is not Therapy. ❤
  7. In Response to “YOU SAW MY FACEBOOK MESSAGE.” Yours and the other 42 that jumped in our inbox between bath and breakfast. We don’t hate you, I repeat. It’s just that somewhere between feeding my cat, watering my plants, and gulping down a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, you lost your patience and I was not prepared. Nobody is ignoring you, and for those who wait extra long times, know that we value your patience more than we value “It fits, It ships” packaging.
  8. We apologize that customs has your package. I cannot explain how many times we have been fussed at because the government decided to take a 2nd, or 82nd look. Yes, we marked it for jewelry, yes we put a low shipping cost on it, no there are no explosives, and yes, we promise we shipped it. WE DO NOT CONTROL THE GOVERNMENT, though a bunch of spirited crazies could really spice up the joint.
  9. We have lives. Though this has already been reiterated, I can definitively say, I cannot reiterate it enough. There have been multiple times where I’d be on my lonesome, enjoying a delicious forearm-sized Moe’s burrito and have a desire to share my culinary conquest with the known social media world. Then the notification pops up. “I know you’re online.” The sanctity of the burrito is now ruined for me and the rest of instagram. If you enjoy a burrito as a seller, it is imperative that you enjoy it quietly and away from prying eyes. This is the underground burrito movement. Sellers are fabled beings who live off of envelope glue and the hopes that one day they will make it to the post office before that one woman who always has 17 money orders. They do not consume burritos. It is all a ploy to get on facebook and play farmville without interruption.
  10. We love you guys. With all of the busy-bee living of a seller, all of the drama, the health issues, the crying, the blood, the sweat, the glitter, the numerous attempts to fix the 18 line address aforementioned, and the angry woman at the post office who does not understand that a parcel and a thick envelope are different….with all of that, we do this for one reason and one reason alone. You. There are easier ways to make money, to raise blood pressure, and to lose sleep at night. One could take on, for example, roller derby in their 50’s or perhaps try powderpuff football with an all men’s team…but no, we chose this. The reason being that helping people puts a smile on our faces, and we love seeing the evidence that what we do matters and that it does make a change in your lives. We value our customer over everything which is why meta-sellers take on so much stress and sadness. We balance a lot in addition to the feelings, emotions, and remarks of hundreds of spirit guides and guardians in transit, as well as contracts with divinity to keep certain standards, personal obligations, and staying available. Without customers there would be no Meta-Sellers.

Selling is something near and dear to the hearts of every meta-seller because the selling is just as much an experience as the buying. We are deeply involved with each and every spirit-customer relationship, and all we want is your happiness. If you help build us, we will always return the favor, and in that regard, sellers should always support each other. ❤

I dedicate this to my mother, Curtis, and a few sellers who I know have changed our lives along the way:

Cathy Austin

Creepy Hollows

Jinn and Tonics

Akiba Michels

Anna’s Agapi

Pretty much everyone who has shared their insights on a seller board anywhere online.

+ So many more.

Love, Kisses, + Fairy Wishes,

Carmen of Team MM


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